I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
