you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
