I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
