The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
