my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
