You're my little dorito
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
