so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
