I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
