I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
