Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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