His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
