i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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