so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it glows. i had to have it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How does it feel to date your dad?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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