I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
