Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
