If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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