McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
