he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
