Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
