at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
