I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's Friday. Sex?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
