Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
