I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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