Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
