i think my tv is drunk
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
