I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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