i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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