Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
