I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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