the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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