chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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