But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
