i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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