I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
