Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
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