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I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
