Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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