My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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