Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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