You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
