have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You may now shotgun with the bride
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
