The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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