i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I want her autograph on my taint
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
