I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
