why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
