Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
