i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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