Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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