I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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