yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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