It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
