Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
