i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
