"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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