you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
