five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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