I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
