Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
