Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
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If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
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Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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