Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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