How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
