and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I am mentally ready for anal.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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