She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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